Just Feel
by mango19
Summary: Set months after the infamous kiss, Vaughn and Sydney are stuck in a situation.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

E-mail: mango_19@canada.com

Rating: G, so far.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: I'm not really sure where this is going …I'm a huge shipper though so … ideas are welcome almost as much as reviews. 

"Come here, my little red lobster." her father used to say to her. And, of course, she would run to his open arms. And every time she did he would tickle her insatiably and she would cry from laughing so hard when he had finished. 

Sydney smiled at the thought as she stepped into her scalding hot bathtub. She used to love to have the water so hot she could hardly stand it because it meant more time for her to play with her toys in the water. Now, years later, she still had her baths just near the brink of burning but she had no toys. She would do just about anything to be able to feel again. 

Her days, to her, seemed so routine now. Day in, day out fighting bad guys, travelling the world and lying to everybody, well almost everybody. Smoothing the water over her bruised legs she smiled again at the thought of the other man in her life. Well, almost in her life. 

Michael Vaughn. Just the thought of him made her shiver even in the intensely hot water. He was the highlight of her week … there meetings, although in the secret warehouse, were the most honest part of her life. 

She had been working with him more closely than usual lately, working more at the CIA headquarters than she had in the past. This brought her closer to him, and closer to her father. She silently took the time think on that. The shrinking gap between her and the two most important men in her life. 

As if on cue her beeper went off. Reaching out of the tub her bubble soaked arm picked up and glanced at the number. Of course. Joey's Pizza. Smiling she stepped out of the tub and wrapped herself safely in a fluffy towel and got herself ready for the inevitable. 

As she dressed she let her mind wander to the one day that her and Vaughn had allowed themselves to defy protocol. It had been inside what was the SD-6 headquarters, the CIA raid had just ended and they were both surveying the damage. When their eyes met from across the room, everything else ceased. The noisy clean-up, the outside pressures and perhaps most importantly, their thought. 

That was to her the most amazing part. For over seven years every move in her life had been calculated, every risk silently added up in her head before she acted. This time, when they walked toward each other, she had stopped. Instead of thinking about anything else, she allowed herself to just feel. It was incredible how they fit together, just like pieces of a puzzle. When their lips met, she felt as she never had. Fireworks, she thought back on it. It was fireworks. Then her mind wandered to how her knees buckled and how she clung to him for support. Okay, so maybe it was more than fireworks. 

Dressed in a pair of jeans and a red sweater she was on her way driving to the park where she would drop a coin into the homeless man's cup. She turned her wipers on high as the storm outside her vehicle built up. It had been months since she first and last kissed him and somehow his taste was still on her tongue. He was addictive. Every time she saw him the taste intensified to a point that she thought she would do anything to taste him again. He would give her that classic look of longing but refuse to get within three feet of her. 

Water pelted her as she rushed through the park and to the telephone. When she was allowed in she made her way through the offices heading directly to Vaughn's office. She knocked on the door and when it opened with her touch she leaned on the doorframe waiting for him to finish his phone call. She smiled hearing his native tongue spoken into the phone with an ease that made her salivate with envy. French was never her strong point. 

Glancing up he smiled at her and returned to a hushed phone call and rushed good-bye. "Sorry," She said, only half meaning it. "I didn't mean to interrupt." 

"I'm sure my mother will understand." He said smiling motioning for her to sit. She took the seat offered and proceeded to remove her raincoat. 

"You're here for a mission, I mean, obviously, but …" he let the sentence trail off as he went in search of a file. The lights flickered slightly with the wind outdoors and Sydney shivered, happy to be indoors. "Cold?" He asked. She shook her head in response. 

He finally found the file, without opening it is passed it across his desk to Sydney. She reached for it, and their hands brushed. Shocks of electricity shot up her arm warming her stomach just as the electricity in the building went off. Sheets of bullet-proof glass lowered around the four walls and Sydney looked at Vaughn with confusion. 

"The storm must of knocked out the power. Standard protocol for a power outage with CIA is … well, this." He said motioning to their surroundings. "When the power goes back up they will unlock the premises room by room until it is certain that there have been no compromises of intel or personnel." 

"How long?" She said, not knowing how long she could be in the same room as him.

"It's a big building," He said shrugging. "And we're in the back. Not to worry, though, there are rations and everything we should need for three days in the wall over there." He said pointing to the latch to the left of her.

"Three days?" She asked, sounding more than slightly annoyed.

"Just in case. I'm sure we'll be out here by the end of the day." He said reassuring her. Funny though, she didn't relax at all. 

Figuring she was going to be there a while she took a look around his office and found it to be spacious with abstract prints on his walls. The office had been a congratulations for the success of the raid. It seemed almost appropriate that they would be stuck with each other for the foreseeable future. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: Thanks for the encouraging reviews, please keep it up.

When she pushed the door open and was leaning on the doorframe, he thought he must have turned fifteen shades of red. Having a hushed conversation about his father to his mother, he understood to be an analogy of him and Sydney. But she looked so beautiful standing there, she looked to relaxed, so content to make him want her. Her face exposed, no make up this time. He liked her best like this. When she was Sydney, not Kate Jones or Freelancer. 

Looking at her now he could see how she was struggling not to panic. He could tell that it wasn't claustrophobia that had her worried but the proximity. He guessed she had a right to be nervous, after the take down of SD-6 and the incident that followed she had tasted his hunger. It would be enough scare anybody off, he imagined. And after that passion, to have to go back to work day in and day out. 

He wished a thousand times over that they had talked about it, eased some of the tension. So he wouldn't have to look into her eyes and see the pain there and not have any way to sooth it. Just then he caught her eye. He tried to hold the gaze, to read her as he once was able to with ease but she looked away too quickly. Her hand reached out with a force she seemed unable to control and snatched the phone. 

Holding the receiver to her ear she looked at him puzzled. He couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face. "Protocol." He said and noted how she cringed at the word. "Power outages leave the CIA vulnerable, they have to cut communication from the outside."

She replaced the receiver back on the cradle and folded her hands neatly on her lap. "And what does protocol say to do in the meantime?" Sydney asked with sarcasm. The only real response she got out of him them was a look. One of those "Grow-up, Sydney, welcome to the real world" looks that he had been giving her lately.

He reached over and picked up a book from his shelf and tossed is haphazardly toward her. Her reflexes kicked in and she caught the book with natural efficiency. He smiled because it always came so easy to her. He watched as she read the title and he thought he could see the hostility growing within her. The fact that she had kept her eyes from showing recognition blew him away. Instead her reaction threw him, as usual. "Utopia? You want me to read Thomas More at 9:30 on a Monday morning? Not likely." Her statement just made him laugh, despite the antagonism of it.

"You can read whatever you want, Syd, but in the meantime, I have work to do." He turned back to the work on his desk and he waited to feel the wrath of Sydney come back at him at full force. Instead, she turned to make herself more comfortable in the chair and opened the book. He cringed as he remembered the inscription on the first page. "Who knows, maybe Utopia can exist. Love Syd." He sat, watching her sit, just staring at her words scrawled lazily on the crisp white paper and the memories came flooding back to him.

She had given it to him the day after SD-6 had been destroyed. They had met in the warehouse, more out of habit than for any other reason. She gave it to him and all he could give her was a cold, blank stare. How could she not know? How could she not see that he had to protect her, and this was the only way he knew how?

So he turned of the emotions that had come flooding out the previous day and carried on with life. Carried on day after agonizing day of working hip to hip with the woman he was destined to be with. 

He silently kicked himself for giving her that book of all the books he had in his office., but in truth it was his favourite book there. Perhaps he was a bit biased, though, he was sure James Joyce could hold his own. The pain that was written across her face when she studied the page was quickly replaced by indifference as she continued on through the book. 

Lines of concern formed on his forehead, CIA had done well with her, to a point where he wondered if she ever allowed herself to feel. He guessed that maybe it was better for her if she didn't allow herself to. But he also guessed that somewhere these emotions had to be let out. He could imagine her, all too easily, that night on the pier holding his hand. He thought of her now, with nobody. She sure as hell wouldn't be calling him up in the middle of the night anymore. And yet every night he refused to turn off his cell and he quietly mourned when it didn't ring. 

They carried on that way in a seemingly comfortable silence, but each knew that the other was secretly damning the CIA and their protocol, once again.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thank you so much for the encouraging notes and suggestions from everybody. Also, I apologize for taking so long in this last posting but midterms kind of got in the way … damn school. 

Utopia. Of all books he had to throw to her. She would have been fine, had he picked any other book. She had become this expert of not showing her feelings, or even feeling them. She wasn't sure if that was due to the training or her experiences. Not that it mattered, she was happy for it. She came to a place where she pretty much gave up on men. And life, for that matter. 

When she had given him the book she thought she had given him her heart. And he had ripped it apart with one cold stare. She had received it before, but this time it was without protocol in the back of their minds. It was his free will that had pushed her away for the last time and she was damned if she would look desperate. So she started to leaf through the book. With frustration she decided that reading was not going to happen. Too many distractions. 

So she stared at the pages for a good fifteen minutes before she sighed heavily and tossed the book back on to Vaughn's pristine desk. Did he have to be perfect all the time? Honestly. He looked up with mirth in his sparkling green eyes and stared in to the cold, seemingly unfeeling eyes. She relished in the moment because it seemed almost what happened that day in the warehouse. He offered the book and she took it, studied it then she rejected it. Only Vaughn didn't insist that she keep it, as she did. He simply picked it up and placed it back on the shelf that it had come from. 

She got up and started to pace. Back, forth, back, forth. "Sydney, you're driving me crazy. Would you sit down?" He said, voice on the edge of being harsh. 

"Listen, I was planning on taking a run but somebody called me in earlier than expected. So I have a bit of pent up energy, and of course, I'm stuck in this room. With you, no less. Unless you have any better ideas I'm going to pace." She added that last part just to relish in his reaction. And a reaction she got. One that started with a scarlet blush that pierced his fair skin and concluded with growing frustration in his eyes.

"Sydney, sit down or I'll be forced to hurt you." 

"Again?" She asked with such innocence she was sure he was ready to pounce, so she sat down and started searching through her purse for anything that would entertain her. The only reaction she got out of this was his stare. It was rather unnerving, but she could deal with it. In victory she pulled out a rubix cube and started to work on it until his stare got so heavy that she couldn't handle it anymore.

"Listen, this entire situation is a little antagonistic. Let's just agree to stay off each other's back for at least an hour. Then, maybe some of us will be in better moods …" She said with what was meant to be a teasing note. 

Apparently he didn't see the teasing in the situation and responded in a cold "Fine."

But the silence was thick. So thick Sydney was sure she was having a harder time breathing. The tension hung in the air and despite the cool air being pushed by tiny vents in the middle of the ceiling she could feel the temperature rising. She began to pull at her sweater until she pulled it off revealing a snug black tank top which gained a questioning look from Vaughn. She tried her best to hide her smile and offered an explanation. "What? I'm hot. Leave me alone."

With a mocking tone he responded with a smile "You broke the deal, young lady, we're going to have to start the one hour of silence over again." She burst out laughing and threw her rubix cube at him. 

He caught it with stealth and started to work on it. "No way, Vaughn, you're never going to get it, I've been working on it for …" She trailed off as he set it in front of her completed. "…years." She picked it up and examining it, finding each side being a solid colour. "Okay, what?"

He laughed at her confusion and added "When I was a kid, there wasn't a lot to do, we lived in the country in France, my parents owned a vineyard. Own, actually. Very beautiful, but when you're 12, not very interesting." He said, smiling. 

She smiled, relishing in the small antidote of Vaughn's life. She realized at that moment how little she knew about this man. The man that she spent day in and day out with, and the nights she spent wishing he were with her. 

He leaned down into his briefcase and pulled out a thermos. "Coffee?" He asked smiling at her. When she started laughing he looked at her with an overdramatic defensive look. "What?"

"Nothing, just, you with a thermos. It doesn't seem like you. Care of Alice?" She asked trying to make it a light inquiry, but Vaughn lifted his one eyebrow and looked directly into her eyes.

"No. Care of Mrs. Vaughn, actually." Sydney's breath caught in her throat as she felt her lungs start to constrict. Vaughn got married … to Alice. "I stayed the night at my mother's place here. She left this morning." He added as he poured the rich dark liquid. "She insists her boy goes out with a hearty breakfast and good cup of coffee. This morning I didn't have time for the coffee, I slept late."

She silently scorned herself. She trusted this man, how could she jump to conclusions? "That's actually … rather adorable." She said smiling in spite of herself. He handed her a mug of the steaming substance and sat back in his chair, watching her. 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Just Feel Chapter 4.

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: Still G.

Watching Sydney Bristow was probably one of the most enjoyable things to do, but at that moment it was different. It was like a silent agreement that allowed them to forget about the events that had just past and try to make the best out of a complicated, yet dumbly simple, situation.

He took a mental note to thank his mother, and tried to stay quiet, to keep that calm and relaxed Sydney with him. Lately, it had been easier and easier to make her irate and he found this disturbing. Perhaps she was getting over him. He scorned himself for caring, after all he was the one to push her away. He was well aware that when he did push her away on the day of Utopia, as he had nicknamed it, it would be for the last time. He said his silent good-byes to her and tried to move on.

Moving on from somebody as perfect as Sydney had proven to be more difficult than he had imagined. Alice was fed up with his distant attitude, his nasty habit of leaving in the middle of the night and waking up in cold sweats with the name "Sydney" on his lips. So he moved onto more options. First there was Marie, ah Marie, nice hair but she chewed her nails which quite honestly was disgusting. Then, there was Rachel, nice hands but she did this weird thing with her legs when she sat, totally a turn off. Then, of course, we have Cheryl great legs but there was something about her hair, too puffy or something. Then again, there was something about all of them that had annoyed him, something beyond hair or legs. The simple fact was, he was annoyed that they weren't Sydney. 

And how could anybody blame him? Looking at her now, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Blowing the steam off of her coffee and trying to sip it without scalding her tongue. In defeat she put it down and sat back. When she finally caught on to his staring her honey-amber eyes looked up at him with this look of such innocence nobody would have even guessed that she had killed how many agents and detained how many more? "What?" She asked, genuinely interested in what he was thinking.

"Nothing." He said shortly before quickly adding, "I mean, why did you assume this was Alice?" He asked gesturing with his hands toward the steaming mugs. He didn't even realize he was holding his breath in anticipation of her answer.

"I don't know." She said, pausing to pick her mug up and holding it gingerly in her hands. "I guess she was the last girl you spoke of, so I assumed …" When he didn't jump in then she started blushing. "Maybe I shouldn't have, I'm sorry …"

He smiled, secretly happy that she still cared. "No, don't worry about it. I mean, I know I haven't said anything recently." 

She stood from her chair, to avoid awkwardness he supposed, and went to examine a hanging on the office wall. "This is really beautiful." She said. He loved the way she said it. No confusion, no explanation, just a statement that she believed genuinely to be true. 

"Thank you." He said, glad that she chose that particular piece to compliment. It was his favourite, as well, with the thick dark swipes of paint outlining the exquisite form of a woman who remained faceless standing with a martini glass in her right hand and a French cigarette in her left. When he was a child he always imagined he'd marry her, the mysterious woman with the floor length gown. "That was one of my father's earliest pieces." He said, shadowing her earlier simplicity. 

Again, he took that opportunity to look at her, gage her reaction. She turned toward him and simply stared back. After a moment that he found to be intriguing but he was sure she found to be uncomfortable she broke the silence. "A man with many talents." She made her way back to her chair and he was sure that the ambiguity of the statement was intentional. "He captures her beautifully. Who was she?" She asked, in what he thought both genuine curiosity and a gentle prying.

"Apparently, she was my mother at 21." He said with a smile. "Thirty-five years later I might beg to differ, but even the day before he died he swore she looked the same." The memory made his heart ache, but with bittersweetness. He was so happy to have even known him but even more happy he had made his mother so happy, so much so that she hasn't looked at another since. 

He could see the sadness creep into her eyes and silently cursed himself. How could he have been so insensitive? "Syd, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said …" 

"You know, it's funny how much I don't know about you because you're scared you're going to hurt me." She said, taking him by surprise and leaving his jaw hanging open in shock. "We … work closely with each other. I hate the way that you know everything about me and I hardly even know you. You're so scared you're going to hurt me that you don't give any of yourself away." 

He stared at her, astounded at her accuracy. And all he could think was "Dear god, please don't let her read into that anymore than she already has." But he could have sworn he could see the wheels turning in her mind and feel her growing more introspective. 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Just Feel Chapter 5

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: The reviews are slowing down, is anybody still reading and/or enjoying? Should I bother continuing?

After several moments of a comfortable silence she spoke up. "So, what do you say we rectify the situation?" She said quickly glancing away from his intense stare to avoid him feeling her anticipation.

He stared at her with confusion, she was fairly sure was due to not knowing what to say or what she really meant. "I'm sorry?" He asked, and she smiled loving the idea of the thoughts that could be going through his mind. She was sure he was terrified of her answer.

"The situation. Look, by the looks of things, we have a lot of time to waste, so lets use it wisely." She said, keeping her poker face on staring directly into his eyes that were masked with a cloud of confusion. She relished in finally being the one in control. She had a feeling this entire predicament was going to be a tug of war for control.

"I'm not completely sure I follow you." He said, a blush rising to cover his cheeks. One point Syd, zero points Vaughn. She wanted desperately to keep up the charade but decided against it for fear he would eventually lose interest.

"Let me read your file." She said, aware that she was not asking, but rather demanding. She could see him initial reaction to automatically refuse then take a moment to consider it. She could tell he was retracing the steps of their conversation to how it got to that point. 

"No." He said, in a way that she was almost certain he was challenging her. She was somewhat shocked that he actually said no. He never denied her much, not unless it was really important to him, and even so he usually faltered a bit. 

Calling his bet she answered "Fine" and searched through her bag before pulling out a crossword that she had cut out of the paper last week for the wait before her doctor's appointment. Who would have guessed he was actually on time? "Can I borrow a pen?" She asked, and before waiting for an answer she grabbed one off his desk and started on the first clue.

She could feel his stare on her but refused to allow herself to respond. When she glanced up five minutes later he had turned back to his work and the lines of concentration were beginning to show on his forehead. 

Sighing heavily she found that he fell right into her trap. "Stuck already?" He asked with an amused look on his face. 

"Yeah. Want to help?" She asked. He continued to look directly into her eyes so she continued. "Six down: Fair Treatment. Six letters, starts with an E." 

He smiled in victory as he said "Equity!". She smiled back and went quietly back to work on the puzzle as he continued the work on his desk.

Minutes later she spoke up again: "Want to help again? 12 across: No knowledge of a particular subject. Nine letters, second one in is a G." 

He looked at he speculatively, squinting his eyes slightly at her which made her smile slightly. "Ignorance." Thanking him, she took her shoes off and sat cross-legged on her chair. 

"You watch a lot of movies, Vaughn?" She asked, praying that he couldn't read her. She took his shrug for a "Yes" and carried on. "24 across: The lion in the _Wizard of Oz_. Six letters, first one is a C and the third is a W" She looked at him with mock innocence in her voice.

"I see where you're going with this, Syd, you know, I do work for the CIA too. And no, you can't read my file." He said with what she could tell with annoyance but amusement none the less.

"But Vaughn, please? Come on, it's only fair."

"No. Any questions?" He asked. She laughed at his sternness.

"Yeah, why? Got something to hide, Michael?" She asked with a taunting voice, batting her eyelashes for more effect.

He burst out laughing and so did she before she could even control it. Damn, with her plan out the window she actually did turn back to her crossword, working on the actual clues and they fell into a comfortable silence, once again.

She finished in what she guessed was a half hour and she started to sift through her bag once more. "Got anything to read over there besides things that take my entire brain to go through one page?" He looked up and smiled at her with his eyes sparkling. He tossed her a copy of _Flowers for Algernon _and waited to see if it was suitable. She looked up and smiled and cracked the binding.

She loved hearing him at work, the rustling of papers and the file cabinet opening and closing and the pen scratching across his papers. She looked up when something landed in front of her with a soft thump. She looked up at the file and saw on the tab "Agent Michael Vaughn". Looking up she smiled at him, ignoring the shiver that went down her spine because of his gaze, like a greedy child she grabbed the folder and opened it and began to read about the mystery she knew as Vaughn.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, keep it up!

He stared at her, almost in disbelief. Had he known she'd be so happy to receive a folder he would have given it to her much earlier. He couldn't help the smile that was creeping across his lips and cursed the joy that she brought him. 

He was snapped out of his gaze when she quickly shut the folder and threw it back onto his desk. She sat back in her chair staring at it as if she were battling as to whether or not pick it back up again. "I can't do it." She said, shocking him. Although, he has grown to know not to be shocked, this woman was totally unpredictable. Which in turn made her that much more appealing.

"Do what?" He asked in confusion. Sometimes he wished that he could read her mind. His mind quickly flashed to _What Women Want _and took it back.

"I can't read it. I feel like I'm invading." She said, still eying the folder. Talk about so close but so far away. 

"At least you're feeling." He muttered beneath his breath. When she asked him to repeat himself he ignored her and instead said "But I'm letting you, you shouldn't feel like you're invading if you have my permission."

"Maybe I shouldn't, but I do." She said, half pouting. He could see her lower lip start to droop and he shook his head in frustration.

"And how does one go about pleasing you, Bristow?" He asked teasing her.

"Wouldn't you like to know." She quipped before collapsing with laughter. He cursed his cheeks for growing red and cursed her for knowing how to get to him. "Oh come on, Vaughn, it wouldn't kill you to joke right now, for goodness sakes, look at us! We're stuck here for God knows how long …"

"You're the one who's sulking." He said, trying to get under her skin. He always did like to know his power over her.

"You're the one that got us here in the first place. You're the one who placed the call." She said, getting more serious with each word. It didn't take a genius to pick up that she wasn't talking about the power-outage. Again, he resorted to turning red.

"Maybe, but you're the one pressuring me to give you something I can't give." He said, picking up the folder. 

"But you gave it to me anyway …" She said, the sadness growing in her voice made his heart ache. He did this to her.

"No, I gave you a part of it, and you decided you didn't want it, couldn't handle it. So you threw it back on my desk." He said, wishing for her to understand. Again, he was wishing he could read her mind. Most of the time he could, just by looking in her eyes, but she was avoiding his gaze.

"Maybe that's because you were so reluctant to give it to me to begin with that when you finally did I didn't feel right about it."

"Well, then isn't that your mistake? Maybe I wanted you to have the folder." Please, he silently begged her. Take the folder, take it all.

"Then why did it take so long? Three months, Michael, it was too late." Too late. His heart sank.

"There were other factors." Urging her to understand.

"Factors I wouldn't understand, I imagine." He deserved that, he admitted to himself, he did. Why did it hurt so much?

"Syd…"

"It was my mother, wasn't it?" Confusion flashed across his eyes. _Her _mother? No, no, no …

"What? Your mother? No, Syd …"

"Because that's the only thing I can think of, Michael, unless I repulse you."

He got out of his chair and within three strides he went to her. He kneeled down in front of her and put a hand to her cheek, stroking it tenderly. "You don't repulse me, Syd. You never could. God, just look at you."

She turned her face away leaving his hand empty and cold, her eyes were brimming with tears. "Don't. I won't let you. You can't do this to me again."

"Syd, please, let me explain. Or at least try to." He was still kneeling in front of her, pleading, but she refused to look at him, and continued staring out the window. 

"Can we just … can we not talk about this?" She asked. She looked him directly in the eye this time, so he agreed. He got up and returned to the seat behind his desk. 

"One day, Syd, we're going to have to talk about it." He said, staring at her while she tried to find the page that she was on.

"It might take forever." She said, concentrating on her book.

"I'll wait."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango19

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Sorry it took SO long for this chapter, I had exams for the past 3 weeks and really couldn't put together an hour to do anything, let alone spend more time on the computer. Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. Let me know by leaving a review! Thanks!

~

He'll wait. Of course he will. He always told her he would, then when it finally came time to stop waiting he missed the boat and she wasn't about the apologize for his tardiness.

After all, it was his fault. He had turned her away when she was at her most vulnerable. When she could have been happiest. And when he finally opened his arms she had been too hurt, too jaded to see that he was sincere. 

The wound was deep and had just begun to heal before this day. There was no way she was about to let him reopen it with words of regret or worse, word that he would regret when they got out of this situation.

Pulling on her sweater, she found herself growing colder by the moment. Would it be possible for her to ever get over this? And why was she so strong, but so week when it came to him?

Pondering this she realized a good hour had passed with her simmering over his actions, or actual lack of actions. The simmering was slowing turning to a boil when she could not hold it in any longer.

"You know it's funny how you always manage to say the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time." She said, voice ice cold. The statement seemingly struck him hard as he jumped up and pushed his seat back slightly.

"I'm sorry? Did I say something?" He asked looking slightly confused but more hurt than anything.

"Yeah, Vaughn, you said a whole lot, actually. Just at the wrong time. Always at the wrong time." She stood up, growing more angry, yet empowered at the fact she was finally confronting the him.

"Well I'm sorry if I took a little longer to come around, Syd, for god's sake I'm not a saint!" he said, mimicking her actions by standing up.

"Yeah, you could have fooled me! We spent months with taking risks for each other and those intense stares and god, you said things … things that would make my heart skip a beat and when it finally comes time that we can do something about it …" She let her sentence fall as she struggled to compose herself.

"And you think I didn't want to? How could you be so blind? I was in love with you!" His voice was raised now to reach the level of Sydney's and he was taking steps toward her. 

"Were … yeah. Apparently not enough to let go of whatever was in the way." She said, backing up into the wall but keeping her stand. There was no way she was backing down from this one.

"You can't just let go of family, Syd, not everybody can just turn on the little switch that enables you to feel nothing." The last words stinging her as they rolled off his tongue. 

She just stared at him unable to form a sentence. So that's how he saw her, a cold, unfeeling killer. Just like her mother. 

"My mother, Sydney. My mother knew about you. Who you were. Who's daughter you were. She asked me not to pursue it. To peruse this …" Showing his anger he slammed his hand over her shoulder on the wall the she was backed against.

She interrupted so shocked, so hurt. "There is no this, Vaughn. Who's blind now?"

Ignoring her he continued "After a few months she saw how it was effected me. I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate on anything. She finally came to understand that the feelings I had for you were similar to those my father had for her. She told me to find you, to convince you to be with me. But you wouldn't even listen …"

They were face to face now, Sydney's back up against the wall and the anger in Vaughn's eyes changed into something unrecognizable. His face leaned into hers and she felt like she was sinking …

It took a second to realised that she was not, in fact, sinking, the walls were lifting behind her and the door burst open and four CIA agents rushed through. "Agent Vaughn, Agent Bristow. Everything alright in here?" One of them said. 

"Yeah." Vaughn said, his attention turning to the agent. "Is it safe to go?" 

"It's all been cleared, Agent Vaughn." He said, looking suspiciously at the scene he had just walked into. 

"Good." With that he turned picked up his leather jacket and stormed out of the door.

And just like that, he was gone, leaving Sydney to stand dumbfounded wondering what had just happened. 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango19

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I'm not a huge person for using songs, I find they take up a lot of space for not much effect but as I was writing Dance With You by Live came on and I couldn't resist, I just thought it was perfect. So really, this chapter is meant to be read with that song playing. And again, thank you for the reviews, they are the reason I continue to write. Please, let me know what you think.

~

He jogged outside damning the rain on his way. He haphazardly tossed his coat on while making his way to his CIA issue black Explorer. The rain pelted cold against his face. He almost welcomed it, cooling his face as well as his temper. She always could get to him, and he scolded himself for it. Fishing for his keys in his left coat pocket he sensed that Sydney was just feet behind him.

"Here's a familiar scene" Sydney yelling behind him, her voice like a beacon in the storm. "Agent Michael Vaughn running away …" 

He turned around to face her, temper starting to boil again. But did she look beautiful. The rain matting her hair on her head and making it stick to her face. Eyes squinted from the rain and her nose crinkled from the cold. And yet she made no effort to block the icy pellets from hitting her delicate face. "And another familiar scene" he said trying to keep in control "Agent Sydney Bristow following him." 

He winced, literally winced, at the look of pain in her eyes. It's either her or me, he thought as he turned around unlocking his door. He climbed in and took off, leaving her in the cold.

~

Later, in the shower, the hot water had begun to melt his cold front. What had he done? He had once again pushed away the one … he pushed away the one. When the phone rang, he almost slipped breaking him out of deep thought. He turned the water off quickly and answered the phone. 

"Mr. Vaughn, this is the District Hospital in Versailles, I'm afraid I have some bad news." A man with a thick French accent informed him. Vaughn could have sworn his heart stopped. Some bad news, some bad news, some bad news …

"It's your mother. I'm afraid she's had a heart attack, sir, and she didn't make it."

__

sitting on the beach  
the island king of love  
deep in fijian seas  
deep in some blissful dream  
where the goddess finally sleeps  
in the lap of her lover  
subdued in all her rage  
and I am aglow with the taste  
of the demons driven out  
and happily replaced   
with the presence of real love  
the only one who saves  
  


He couldn't quite place why he went to her that night, or maybe he could and just couldn't admit it. But either way he went for a walk in the rain and ended up in front of her house. He stared at her door for what seemed like hours before he raised his hand and knocked twice softly, almost hoping that she wouldn't answer. When the door opened she didn't say a word. She just stepped aside allowing him to enter. 

__

I want to dance with you  
I see a world where people live and die with grace  
the karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace  
I want to dance with you  
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds  
and lead us back to a world we would not face  
  
After closing the door he watched her walk over to her linen closet and pull out some towels. She went to him and stripped his jacket off and his shoes while he stood there. He felt like a child but he couldn't get himself to do it for her. When she finished with his shoes she stood up slowly. He looked at her in awe. How could she do this for him after all that he had said. All he hadn't done. He lifted his hand and touched her face, when she shivered at his touch he pulled it away quickly. He would ruin her, ruin her warmth.

__

the stillness in your eyes  
convinces me that I   
I don't know a thing   
and I been around the world and I've  
tasted all the wines  
a half a billion times  
came sickened to your shores   
you show me what this life is for  
  
She raised her hands and started to dry his hair with one of the blue fluffy towels. All he could do was stare at her. Who was he to deserve her? Not a word was exchanged between them that night when she drew him a bath and set out some of Will's clothes for him to pull on. She asked no questions when he came down the stairs and she put a cup of tea in front of him and silently begged him to drink it.

The tea felt warm travelling through him but all warmth seemed to be absorbed into the cold and didn't seem to have any great effect.

__

I want to dance with you  
I see a world where people live and die with grace  
the karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace  
I want to dance with you  
I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds  
and lead us back to a world we would not face  
  
When she took his hand and led him to her bedroom he collapsed onto her plush bed and let her hold him. Allowing her to absorb the cold and replace it with a warm he had forgotten how to feel.

__

in this altered state  
full of so much pain and rage  
you know we got to find a way to let it go  
  
sitting on the beach  
the island king of love  
deep in fijian seas  
deep in the heart of it all  
where the goddess finally sleeps  
after eons of war and lifetimes  
she smiling and free, nothing left  
but a cracking voice and a song, oh lord


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for all the feedback, keep it up and let me know what you think.

~

Waking with him beside her she was forced to think about what had just happened. As if on queue he grabbed her hand that had been resting on his stomach and pulled it to his chest forcing her to mould herself to his back with her arm around him. She took that opportunity to inhale his scent and note the rough texture of his hand. 

"I need you to come to France with me." He said. As he did she realized that those were the first words he had spoken in a good ten hours. 

Without thinking she responded with defiance "Okay." 

She was not sure how long they spent that way before he broke the silence again and asked her to book the plane tickets. "Where to?" she asked. This was the first question she had asked and she was starting to regret it when he just lay in silence.

"Versailles." He answered minutes later. When she started to move to make her way to the phone he held her hand tighter. "Not yet. Just … stay with me. Please." 

So she did. For a solid hour they lay there in a comfortable silence when he mumbled something about taking a shower. She smiled because when he left her, she actually felt a loss. An emptiness without him.

~

They packed and made their way to the airport in a silence that was not only comfortable, but comforting. She drove on his request, but had one hand in his the entire way. 

Checking in and customs went without a hitch and soon they were on the flight that would eventually change their lives.

She watched him as he stared out the window with an inexplicable sadness. As she did he interrupted her thoughts. "Aren't you going to ask why you're here?" He turned to gage her reaction.

She gave him a small smile and said "I figure you'll tell me when you want to." 

He reached out and touched her cheek, she shivered with the same reaction as the day before. This time, however, he did not pull away, instead he put his arm around her and let her lay into him. "Thank you." He whispered into her ear. She relished in the shivers that ran up and down her spine and closed her eyes.

When they landed they made there way off the plane and through customs. A driver approached them with a thick French accent. "Mr. Vaughn. I'm very sorry about your mother." he said with sincerity. Sydney kept a straight face and placed her had through Vaughn's arm. 

"Thank you, Pierre." He said, glancing over at Sydney. "This is Sydney Bristow, she'll be staying with me." He said and stood back while they shook hands. 

Vaughn opened the door of the black polished car for Sydney and when she slid in he got in beside her. 

He looked at her with an almost fear in his eyes. "Syd, I'm sorry I didn't tell …" but she cut him of by placing her cool fingers on his warm lips. 

Shaking her head gently she smiled softly. "No, Michael. It doesn't matter. I'm just glad I'm here." She thought she saw a tear glisten his eye but he pulled her to him into a needy hug before she could be sure.

When they pulled up Sydney was in awe. Stepping out of the car she could not believe that such a beautiful home could exist outside the fairytale books. It was a large farmhouse style house with a veranda and gardens overflowing with every kind of flower imaginable. "Vaughn …" she breathed. He went to her and took her hand. 

"This is where I grew up." He stated. "My mother inherited this home from her parents and so on." 

"It's lovely." She said, unable to stop herself from stopping to smell the flowers that lined the drive. He smiled lightly watching her enjoy the small things of the place that he could always call home. When she looked at him her breath caught, it was the first time she'd seen him smile in a full thirty-six hours. And it was beautiful.

He gently tugged at her hand and led her to the door. Opening it he inhaled, as if smelling the moments of his past. The house was bright and homey and looked lived in. It was the kind of house she used to dream about as a child. 

She followed him through the house and found that she felt completely comfortable, even though she had just stepped foot into it moments before. Her thoughts were interrupted with a voice echoing through the halls. "Michael? Is that you?" 

He turned toward the direction of the door and stated "Annabelle." He started back toward the door and as he did a woman of striking beauty entered the hall in which they resided and ran into Vaughn's arms. "Belle." He said stroking her long dark hair.

"Michael, she's gone. She's gone." She cried as he held her. 

"I know, Bella, I know." As he held her, Sydney suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. Like she was a voyeur, seeing an exchange that she should not. With jealousy rising like bile in her throat she quietly slipped into a room that was off to the left of the hall way.

The room was lined floor to ceiling with books. By the window there was a mahogany desk and on the other side of the room there was a reading chair. 

She started to sift through the books on the shelf. _Tom Sawyer, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Ulysses, Utopia …_She reached out and picked up the book which had given her so much grief in the past. 

Opening the cover she saw the inscription _"My Dearest Love, We will make our own Utopia. Your Loving Wife." _ Sydney stood dumbfounded at her discovery. Just as she was standing there Vaughn and Annabelle walked in startling her into dropping the book. 

She looked over at Vaughn and he looked at her, his eyes boring into her soul. He walked toward her and bent down and picked up the book. "She put a key to this house in the sleeve when she gave it to him." He said, urging her to understand. She nodded dumbly and put the book back on the shelf.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango19

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Again, reviews are kind of slowing down, but thank you to all of you for your feedback, it means to world to me.

~

He'd forgotten how beautiful Annabelle was and was struck by it just as he suspected Sydney was. He noted the stark differences between the two women with Sydney being fair and petite with a polished beauty and Annabelle who was tall and dark and had a sultry look that made most men weak in the knees. He knew how to handle her though, he was fairly confident he could handle them both, in fact.

"Sydney," He cleared his throat "This is Annabelle, an old family friend." He said, still with his hand on the small of her back. "Annabelle, this is Sydney a close friend and co-worker." They shook hands cordially enough but he sensed a coolness from both of them. 

"It's great to meet you," Sydney said and Vaughn noticed the forced warmth in her voice. "I know so little about Michael and his past." She said, giving him a sceptical look. 

Annabelle smiled and responded "Michael and I were supposed to be engaged." She said looking up at him. He started laughing trying to lighten the mood before explaining to Sydney.

"By that she means our parents were constantly pushing us while we were growing up to be a couple. Eventually it became the family joke."

He noted Sydney's smile and noted it was the same she used when talking to Devlin. One that not quite reached her eyes, but who would notice except him? "How adorable." Sydney said and Vaughn noticed the slight air of condescension in her voice. "Well, if Vaughn will show me where I'll be staying I'll get freshened up while you two catch up on lost time. I'm sure you're just dying to know about Michael's exciting life in the CIA." With that Annabelle smiled and Sydney went to get her bags. 

Leading her up the spiral stairs he offered three times to take her bags and she refused. He laughed inwardly at her stubbornness and led her to the guest bedroom. The room was large and bright with an antique desk and armoire. The scent of Jasmine hit him immediately and instantly made his heart ache with thoughts of his mother. 

"The bathroom is at the end of the hallway." He stated.

"Thank you." She responded. He wanted her to say something. Anything. 

"Syd, about Annabelle …" But she cut him off.

"She seems sweet, I can see why you like her." She said, while opening her suitcase. When she turned around to look at him he felt like she could read his face. "Vaughn, really, go. I'm going to take a nap and get cleaned up and I'll be down in an hour."

He wanted to tell her. Tell her anything to make her stop acting so … neutral. So objective. But he couldn't think of anything except that this is how she dealt with things. So he turned around and left the room shutting the door on his way out.

He was sure the room would be to her tastes, he made sure of that while she was in the shower that morning, calling all of the cleaning staff to make sure there were fresh flowers and clean sheets. 

Making his way to Annabelle a smile played at his lips. After all these years, she hadn't changed much. Her spirited ways made him ache with jealousy and made his life seem extraordinarily dull compared to hers. When he walked into the kitchen she had made tea and he was grateful. Accepting the mug he thought of the night before when a different woman had handed him a mug of steaming liquid. 

"Sit." She ordered as she began to sift through his cupboards looking for anything edible. "So your Uncle is taking care of all of the arrangements. He said that he looks forward to seeing you tomorrow at the service."

"Tomorrow." He said, rubbing his hands over his face. "It seems so soon." He said remembering his mother as a lively woman with so much energy. 

"He said that he wants to lay her to rest as soon as possible." She said, offering little comfort as if knowing it would not be accepted. Giving up on the idea of food she sat down across from him.

"I'm forced to agree" He replied solemnly.

They carried on in conversation about the arrangements that were made over the past two days. He regretted not being there for their entirety. 

"So, what does a girl have to do to get you to look at her like that?" Annabelle asked abruptly changing the topic.

"Like what?" He asked, slightly confused. 

"Like you look at her?" She said motioning toward the ceiling. He looked at her with sympathy. He knew of her feelings for him years earlier but never thought he had hurt her so much.

"Bella …" Was all he could say, not knowing what to say to make it better. To fix this problem he had made years before.

"I know. I guess I'm just a bit jealous, those feelings never really die, you know." She said, staring into her mug.

"Yeah, I know." He answered with a sadness that she picked up on. 

"I should go check on her." He stated suddenly as if he just needed an excuse to get out of the room. A reason to buy him some time. 

He rose and walked out into the hallway and climbed up the stairs. When he was half way up the bathroom door opened and Sydney walked out in nothing but a towel pulled snugly around her frame. She brushed her damp hair as she walked seemingly unaware of her onlooker. She opened the door and slipped in, and it was only then that he allowed himself to breathe.

He sank down onto the step and with his head in his hands contemplated. It felt so natural, to have her in the house, making herself at home in the only place he had ever called home. For a moment he let his mind wander to what could have been if he hadn't been so blind. 

Shaking himself out of his reverie he got up and returned to Annabelle in the kitchen.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I went on vacation for a couple weeks then I had writer's block. Nothing some reviews won't cure. Please review, I would love to hear what you think. The song is "Your Winter" by Sister Hazel.

~

Closing the door, Sydney smiled to herself. She felt Vaughn staring at her and didn't even have to look to know he was on the stairs. In truth, she half expected him to say something, anything, to make the moment less intimate. But he didn't, and this made Sydney wonder.

Picking out her new black sundress that was lined with bright blue she slipped it on and examined herself. When she was done applying some subtle make-up she scolded herself. His mother is dead, that was why she was there. Not to win his heart, not to make some other woman jealous, but to be there for him. A small smile crept across her lips as she thought that if she did any of the others when she was there, it wouldn't be her fault. She had pure intentions. Sort of. 

Deciding against shoes she ran a comb through her damp hair and headed down the stairs. She paused before entering the kitchen where the two appeared to be talking to gather herself. They seemed to be on a fairly neutral topic so she quietly stepped in and immediately had the attention of both of them

"Hey…" Vaughn said looking at her intensely. 

She smiled, and responded. "Hey …" She broke off the stare and glanced over at Annabelle who looked awkward looking at the two. "Wow, is the sun setting already?" She asked neutrally, "I had no idea I was up there for so long."

"Yeah," Vaughn responded. "I went up to check on you earlier but you getting out of the shower." He said, glancing down at his tea his cheeks grew flushed. "Want some tea? I think there's still some left."

"No, thank you." She responded. "Did you want me to start some dinner?"

"Sure" Vaughn said rubbing his stomach like he just realized that he was hungry.

"Annabelle, would you join us?" Sydney asked turning her attention to the other girl. She knew she would decline but she liked being the one who asked hoping she wouldn't see through her façade.

"No, thank you." She responded and added something about not being hungry.

"Are you sure? It would be no trouble." Sydney added hoping it sounded as sugar sweet as it sounded to her.

"Thank you, but I must decline." She said, rising from her seat she looked at Vaughn. "I should be going."

"I'll walk you out." Vaughn told her. Jealousy started to boil in Sydney but she cooled it off enough to add as Annabelle was leaving.

"It was nice to meet you." Annabelle responded with gusto the same, but Sydney was sure it was forced. 

Sydney quickly got to work on the pasta sauce she planned on making to avoid listening into the conversation Vaughn and Annabelle were having in the entryway. She was done cutting the tomatoes, the onions, boiling the water and half way through on the fresh basil before she heard the door close. 

He walked into the kitchen and got out two glasses. Without asking, as though he knew she would accept he poured two glasses of red wine. When he handed it to her their fingers brushed and she looked at him as if challenging him to tell her that there were no sparks that shot through his spine. "Thank you." She said before bringing the glass to her mouth. 

The taste of the rich liquid in her mouth made her sigh and let out a small moan of pleasure. The liquid travelled through her, she licked her lips and she instantly felt better. She looked up at Vaughn and he had not yet taken a drink, or his eyes off of her. She looked down immediately feeling a blush rising to her cheeks and turned to put the pasta in the boiling water. 

When she did he turned as well, first he turned the stereo on in the other room and then he turned to set the table. When she accidentally touched her finger to the hot burner she swore. "Damn it!" She, out of reflex, put the finger in her mouth to cool to burn. 

"You alright?" Vaughn asked, sneaking up from behind her. She jumped and turned. 

"Oh! Yeah, I mean, just burnt my finger. It's nothing." Before she could argue he took her hand and led her over to the sink where he ran cold water over the swollen red wound. "Really, I'm fine." she insisted. "I've had much worse." She smiled looking at him.

"I know," he said while drying her finger off. He then lifted her finger to his lips, kissing the wound trying to make her forget it ever existed. And it worked. He was staring at her with those emerald eyes that bore into her.

"Oh! The pasta!" She said flustered. She could see the smile of satisfaction grow across Vaughn's face and silently cursed herself. 

Dinner was served and was eaten mostly in silence with the occasional comment on her finger or the dinner. 

When they had finished she stacked the dishes and returned table where she cradled her wine glass, favouring her wounded finger. He took her hand again and stood up. She followed his lead, thinking he was going to bandage her finger. She started to protest but he silenced her with a finger to her lips. He brought her to the living room where the music was originating from, no lights were on, except for the half a dozen lit candles. He pulled her into his arms where they began to dance.

__

The grey ceiling on the earth   
Well it's lasted for a while   
Take my thoughts for what they're worth   
I've been acting like a child   
In your opinion, and what is that?   
It's just a different point of view   
  
What else can I do?   
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.   
I said I'm sorry , but for?   
If I hurt you then I hate myself   
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you   
Why do you chew your pain?   
If you only know how much I love you, love you   
  
I won't be your winter   
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry   
We can be forgiven   
I will be here   
  
The old picture on the shelf   
Well it's been there for a while   
A frozen image of ourselves   
We are acting like a child   
Innocent and in a trance   
A dance that lasted for a while   
  
You read my eyes just like your diary,  
oh remember, please remember   
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more   
If I hurt you, then I hate myself, don't want to hurt you   
Why do you chew your pain?   
If you only knew how much I love you   


She wasn't sure if it was the wine or the situation but she felt like this wouldn't be the last time she would be in this house, in his arms. She allowed her head to rest on his shoulder and relished in the feel of his breath on her neck.

~


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, please let me know what you think. I think we're starting to wind down, kids. Only a few more chapters left. Then again, I thought this was going to be around 6 chapters initially.

~

"God," He said before he could stop himself. "Your scent is intoxicating." He half expected her to stop dancing and look at him like he had gone crazy but instead he felt a smile grow across her face. 

She did stop, however, when the song ended and she took his hand and led him up the stairs. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow." She said. "An even longer night" he almost slipped out but caught himself in time. "You should rest."

She stood on her tippy-toes then and brushed a kiss on his cheek before leaving him to wallow in her scent of lavender and jasmine. He skin felt cold where she had kiss him, like she was meant to be there, always. He felt empty when he let himself into his room and half thought about inviting her in with him. 

His mind slipped to the day when they had kissed with an undying passion. Thinking back it was almost eight months previous. He wished they could take down SD-6 one more time if just to have her lips on his again. Just to taste her one more time. But in all honesty, he didn't need to. He could feel her and taste her like he did every night for the past eight months. Reliving the moment when she sighed into his mouth and he took. He took with selfish abandon and only now could he think to almost regret it. To not take more time for her. 

Sighing with remembrance he stripped down to his boxer briefs and crawled into bed. A soft knock came to his door just moments later. He wasn't even completely sure he heard it, but he called out anyway. "Syd?" 

His door opened with a tentative push and there she stood in all her glory. She walked toward him and he smiled at her choice of attire. The pink flannel shorts with sheep on them and a white tank top, seemed almost suiting for her. Very functional, yet cute and playful.

She sat on the corner of his bed and was silent for a moment, like she was trying to remember why she came. "God," She swore "I don't even know why I'm here. I just thought that you might … I don't know cause last night …" She stumbled on her words. In all honesty, last night felt like forever ago but he reached across and pulled a corner of the covers down and looked at her. It was up to her this time. 

She got up and slid under the covers and turned to look at him. If he moved his right hand he could touch her. But he didn't and instead she did. She reached out and took his hand in hers, as if to lend strength. He watched her as she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. He did the same hours later, when he buried his face in his pillow to stop her scent from reaching his nose. 

~

Waking up to the early morning sunrise he found that her hand was still in his. Only this time her back was pressed firmly into his chest and their hands lay on her stomach. His face was buried in her hair and he kept it there, dreading the day in front of them. He wanted to bathe in her warmth and smiled at the thoughts of her being too cold to feel. The thoughts he had for so many days and now couldn't even fathom. 

When she moaned and stirred slightly he had to suppress the initial reaction to kiss her graceful neck until she woke. He settled instead for softly kissing her temple. She woke when he did and seemed almost immediately embarrassed. "How long have you been up?" She asked, turning onto her back and looking up at him. 

"Not long." He replied. "But we should probably get going. The service starts in a couple hours." She looked up at him with slightly confused eyes before she remembered what day it was. 

"Oh! Right. Why don't you shower first, you probably have some things you want to get done today." 

He did as she asked, and when he returned she was fast asleep again. He changed swiftly, getting into his suit. He sat on the edge of the bed and she stirred slightly. He reached out and touched her cheek. She leaned into it and continued to sleep. "Syd. Syd," He found himself wanting to add an endearment but stopped himself in time. "You have to get up, you only have an hour or so." 

She woke up with this is and apologized quickly before scurrying off to the washroom. He stayed there on the bed, thinking about her and the situation he had put them in. When he rose to go down stairs and start coffee he noticed the water stop indicating Sydney was out of the shower. How long had he been there? He couldn't place it.

Coffee was just finished being made when she walked into the kitchen. He turned to face her and found that she was wearing a simple black long skirt and a dark red top. She looked perfect, but he figured she knew so he didn't say anything and handed her a mug of coffee instead. 

"Thank you." She said graciously accepting the cup of potent liquid.

"Thank you." He said, staring into her eyes. The statement was meant to come off as light but was anything but that.

They were interrupted when there came a knock on the door and a voice. "Michel? Michel?" Annabelle's voice travelled through the halls. 

"We're in the kitchen, Belle." He called before turning to put some toast down.

Sydney was the first to greet her. "Can I get you some coffee, Annabelle?" 

"No, thank you. I never touch the stuff." She responded. Vaughn cursed the awkwardness that always seemed to be around when they were to together. 

"Toast, Syd?" He asked, trying to avoid the inevitable awkward silence.

"No, thank you, Michael." She responded shortly before taking a seat at the table and glancing through the newspaper. 

"You should eat something, we're leaving after the service." He informed her. Both women looked at him, but only Annabelle was surprised. Sydney just nodded and shrugged as if to accept a piece of toast.

Annabelle glanced over at Sydney and said "If you would prefer an English newspaper, I think I have one at home …"

"No, thank you. French is fine." 

"She doesn't have time for it anyway. She needs to pack." Vaughn intruded shortly. 

Sydney looked at him with her eyebrows raised. "Because of the special circumstances of the day, I will let that slide. Watch yourself, Vaughn, I don't take orders well. You of all people know that." 

He sighed slightly and put a hand to his already aching head. "If you two will excuse me," Sydney said rising from her seat. "I have to pack." She said, shooting Vaughn a slightly amused look and exited the room.

"Syd …" He called after her. He knew she wasn't really mad, just annoyed so he sat at the table and finished her toast. 

~


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing …

A/N: Okay kids, we're starting to wrap it up, a couple more chapters to go. Thank you so much for the reviews, they mean everything to me. Please, keep it up.

~

"Self-serving, inconsiderate ass, that's what he is, and as soon as we're back to normal I will tell him." She muttered to herself while packing. But a blush rose across her cheeks with thinking about the night before. How right it felt when he tugged her into his arms and he enveloped her in his embrace. She woke up for the first time with his breath on her neck and shuttered just remembering the sensation. Every time she woke up after that she cuddled a little more toward him before dozing off to sleep.

She slipped in the final item and zippered her bag up before smoothing out the cover on the semi-used bed. Grabbing her purse, her carry on and her luggage she headed downstairs and dumped them at the front door. She breezed into the kitchen without even stopping to see if she was interrupting anything. They were sitting at the table Vaughn drinking his coffee and Annabelle sipping on orange juice.

"I could have helped you bring down your luggage." He tried, she shrugged it off and placed another slice of toast in the toaster. 

"I'm capable, thank you." She responded shortly, regretting it almost as soon as it passed her lips.

"Jesus, Syd, I'm sorry, okay?" Vaughn said with increasing frustration. 

"Don't worry about it. Really, It's fine." She said softly, looking directly into his eyes. It really was fine, she didn't know what was wrong with her. 

"Can you make that toast to go?" He asked, trying to tip-toe around making her angry again.

"Sure." She said with a smile. 

~

In the car as it pulled away from the house Sydney sighed. She couldn't believe how at home she felt when there, how at ease. Like it was meant for her or something. She shook her head, angry at herself for such a thought. 

"Syd?" He asked, looking at her. She looked at him and realized he was waiting for her to answer him.

"I was just thinking about what a lovely home you have." She said smiling at him. She wondered if he understood.

"Yes, Mrs. Vaughn kept it wonderfully. I think the gardener is doing her justice, don't you Michel?" Annabelle chimed in.

"Yes, he did a great job yesterday." He responded politely, keeping his eyes intensely placed on hers.

Sydney smiled as she was once again reminded of the past she didn't share with Vaughn. And the past him and Annabelle did. 

Arriving at the church she noticed its romantic stature and intricate architecture. Stepping out the car she waited for Vaughn to join her at her side. When he did she commented on the Church. "Vaughn, it's the most beautiful thing I think I have ever seen."

He smiled because she used his nickname, like she forgot Annabelle was even there. "Yes, my mother loved it as well. She went to the service every Sunday, it seems right that she is laid to rest here." She reached out, not really thinking about took his hand and they walked in the Church together with Annabelle trailing behind.

Throughout the ceremony, his hand was clasped in hers and she tried to channel her strength through hers. When they rose and walked out to the burial site the sun was blinding. Someone sang an old French folk tune of death and God that she didn't recognize except to say was beautiful. 

When the crowd dissipated and Vaughn stood in the same place he had been for ten minutes, she released his hand and walked a few steps behind him. He took a couple of steps forward and spoke a soft goodbye that she could not hear. 

When he turned to her, she stepped forward. He had a tear glistening in his eye and she reached up to brush it away. When her hand stayed on his face he leaned his head forward until they were resting foreheads. 

It made a beautiful picture, really, a beautiful young couple. With the striking woman's hair blowing in the cool breeze and lending her strength to the handsome mourning man. It wasn't until the bells on the church chimed the hour that he startled and looked at his watch.

"The will reading is in that building over there." He said pointing to a boxy white building across the street. She nodded.

"I'll wait here." She said. When he only looked at her she smiled sadly, "I have some things I need to say." She said looking at the two gravestones side by side. Father and Mother, Husband and Wife. He smiled a weak smile of encourage and reached a hand out and tucked a piece of her blowing hair behind her hair before walking away.

She waited until he was in the building and sat cross-legged between Vaughn's mother and father. "This is kind of presumptuous, I guess." She started. "First assuming you can hear and second assuming that you will hear me out. I know that … I know that I'm the last person you probably want at your funeral." She said, looking toward Vaughn's mother. "But here I am, and I have some things to say to both of you." She said before taking a deep breath and continuing. "When I first started with SD-6 I have no idea. When I finally found out that it wasn't CIA, your son was my saving grace. He helped me through the death of my fiancée as well as so much more. In the mean time we found out about my mother, and it was a lot for us to get through. He ended up breaking up with Alice, which was probably my fault and I asked him to risk his life for me countless times. And even when he broke my heart into a million pieces, somehow it was him that put it back together." She paused, glancing up. 

"So, you see, even though it might seem that I'm using your son, I never take him for granted. Or almost never. And finally, I urge you to understand, that I am so sorry. I am so sorry that my mother killed you. And so sorry that my mother killed your husband. And I'm even more sorry that she killed your son's father. I am so sorry I came into Vaughn's life and turned it upside down and I am so sorry for destroying any chance he had of having a normal relationship. But most of all, I am so sorry that I have fallen in love with your son. God help me, I can't help it." She smiled sadly, and noticed the tears that were falling down her face. "It must be the good genes." 

She looked up just as Vaughn was exiting the building with Annabelle. He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheeks twice before she caught a ride how with an older man. Her father, perhaps? Sydney dashed the tears away and stood, gaining her composure with each step she took toward him.

"Everything okay?" She asked when she reached him.

"Yeah. You?" he responded, probably noticing the red swelling around her eyes. 

Nodding she just smiled as he took her hand and led her to the car. 


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: This chapter was a little harder for me to write, I hope it came out okay. Let me know what you think.

In the car, they were both in the backseat while the driver made it through the narrow streets toward the airport. 

"How was the reading?" She asked. Not prying, he guessed, just that she wanted to make sure he was holding up okay. 

He laughed slightly, "Kind of sucked." A small smile grew on her face, and he cherished it. These days her smile was rare and hard to come by. "But in some ways it was good. She left me the estate." It was at that point that he head swung around and stared at him. He started to laugh at her reaction.

"Vaughn! That's incredible!" He couldn't believe the way her face lit up. 

"That's not the half of it. She had a trust fund … I could probably retire now if I wanted to." He said. He found her reaction odd, until he thought about what he said.

"Wow." she said and looked at the hands in her lap. It came out with no enthusiasm just shock. And sadness.

"Not that I would." he said, backtracking. How could he retire now? How was he expected to leave her?

"Why not?" She asked. She looked like she was trying to read his reaction. Read his face. 

"I like to finish what I start." He stated. He saw the blush of red rise to her cheeks and smiled with satisfaction. She looked away quickly, looking out the window at her surroundings. "She also gave me this." He said, reaching into his left inside jacket pocket and he pulled out an envelope. He sat, twirling it between his fingers. 

"Have you read it?" She said, turning to look at him again. There eyes met and he shivered involuntarily. 

"Yeah. Around twenty times when I was in there." He said, turning back to study the envelope. 

At that point she did something amazing to him. She kicked off her shoes, undid her seatbelt and slid herself across the back seat until she was right beside him. She lifted her legs onto the seat beside her and leaned onto his side until he put his arm around her wrapping it from one shoulder to her other. He couldn't resist the urge to lean down and smell her hair. 

They sat like that, in silence until they reached their destination. When the car stopped they still sat there, not moving. "Syd?" He asked. 

"Hmm?" 

"Can I take you back here?" When he was given silence as an answer he went on. "Like, do you think we could take vacation and come back here? There's so much I want to show you that I didn't get a chance to this time. I think you'll learn more than you ever would reading a file. If you'd let me." He could feel her goose bumps through the delicate material of her shirt.

"Yeah," She said, as if he had asked her if she wanted a cup of coffee. "I would like that."

When the driver opened Sydney's door she slid over, placed her shoes on her feet and exited the car. He was once again left feeling cold where she had left. He opened his door and Sydney joined him before they grabbed there luggage and dragged it into the line. 

When they finally reached the check in counter, Vaughn found that he resented how Sydney didn't come with him, but waited until another was open and went there. There were some things that were going to have to change, and now he could change them. 

~

The flight was long and exhausting. Sydney slept through most of it, waking only when Vaughn would shift his arm that she was resting on. 

Remembering that Will had picked up her car they took a cab to his place because it was closer to the airport with plans of Vaughn driving Sydney home from there. 

He could feel the anticipation radiating off of Sydney as he unlocked the door to his apartment. They stepped into the navy and white accented apartment and was pleased when he found it in its usual state of pristine. He couldn't remember how he had left it.

She stepped in, and Vaughn noticed her looking around. "Great place." She commented as he started toward to bedroom to put his bags away. "It's very you. It even smells like you." She noted. When he turned around and gave her an amused look she blushed. "And I can't believe I just said that out loud." 

He laughed, noticing how embarrassed she looked. "Come on, let's get you home. You look exhausted." he said, noting the dark circles under her eyes.

She turned and opened the door "Thanks. I appreciate you noticing. Ass." She said laughing as he walked through it and locked up. 

~

Sydney's apartment was empty when they arrived and he sighed, happy that she didn't have to deal with any hellos, she was simply too exhausted. "Is here okay?" He asked, dropping her bags in the living room. 

"Yeah, that will be fine." She said, sounding distant and tired. "Can I make you some coffee?" She added, he guessed as an afterthought.

"You should sleep." He stated and she looked at him over her shoulder a somewhat irritated look, he thought.

"Tea then?" She suggested.

"No, thank you. I should be going." 

"Okay" She said, her voice giving away her disappointment. He walked over to her back and took her shoulders and turned her around so she was facing him.

"Thank you." He said, feeling kind of foolish. "Those words seem so … inadequate, I know. But I don't know what else to say. I couldn't have made it through these past couple of days without you."

"Let's not be dramatic." She stated and he noted that she was avoiding his gaze. She was nervous. Agent Sydney Bristow was nervous. "Yes, you could have. But I'm happy I was there."

"Me too." He said softly. He couldn't take his eyes off her lips. He thought about kissing away the sadness and the exhaustion and imagined what it would be like. Warm, soft velvet he imagined. Just like the last time. And she would taste like heaven, like sweet and sex. He shook the thought out of his head and settled for pressing a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight, Chere."

"Goodnight, Michael." She said, closing the door after him. He made his way to his car before patting his jacket pocket and turning back and knocking on her door.

She opened it tentatively, then stepped aside and let him inside. He stepped inside backed her against the wall of the entryway. "I forgot to give you something." He said in a voice he hardly recognized. He had to get out of here before he abandon all thoughts of chivalry. 

"Oh yeah?" she asked, her voice husky with anticipation, her eyes darting from his eyes to his mouth.

"Yeah." He said leaning in ever so slowly. He then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope. "This."

She stared at it for a moment, as if trying to place what it was. When it finally clicked in she shook her head. "No Vaughn, it was meant for you, I'd feel …"

He interrupted her mid-sentence. "I think it was meant for both of us, Syd. See you tomorrow."


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Just Feel

Author: Mango

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Alright kids, here it is. I apologize profusely for the delay, this one took me a long time to write, writer's block's a bitch. Thank you for your patience and for the reviews, please tell me what you think of this one.

~

Sydney stared at the envelope. It looked worn now, like it had travelled half way across the world. Funny that. She fingered the dog-eared corners and pondered whether to open it. Her curiosity got the best of her and she slid her fingers into the envelope pulling out a letter. She noticed first the impeccable penmanship, then the words. Yes, the words …

Chere Michel,

If you are reading this, I am gone. There are so many things to say that I have left unsaid, not because I did not want to say them, just because I couldn't find the words. I knew my time was coming, that is the reason I planned my trip to Los Angles when I did. 

Months ago I told you to do something for me. I told you to deny your feelings and leave the girl who stole your heart. For purely selfish reasons, I did this, not wanting to taint your father's memory with scandal. A few months later I told you to follow your heart, and you refused. However, now looking at the man you have become since, it hardly seems worth it. You've become a shell of the man I once knew.

Looking back on this, I see now that this was not only selfish, but foolish. Your father, if there is one thing he taught me in the years I was blessed to be with him, it was that following your heart was the only way to achieve true happiness. 

So go now, and tell the girl you love her. Put the love back into the home that was once so full of it, and now is almost stagnant. Tell Sydney that your father and I both would have been proud to have such a strong daughter, and we don't blame her for the actions of her mother. 

Don't miss us too much, know that we're happy now, together. And don't rush to see us either, we're not going anywhere and we'll be waiting for you both when the time comes. I love you, Chere, and have grown to love the girl who will make you happy.

Your Loving Mother.

Tears were streaming down her face at this point. Dashing them away with her left hand she reached for her coat with her right. There was no way she was waiting until tomorrow to see him. No way she was waiting that long. Quite frankly, she had waited long enough.

She opened the door, turned back to lock the door quickly before turning to find Vaughn leaning against his SUV with a mysterious smile on his face. She froze. Jacket in hand forgotten and discarded on the ground and keys dangling from her fingers. A smile grew across her face, one that she couldn't control if she wanted to. 

They stood like that, maybe ten feet apart looking at each other for what seemed an eternity but in actuality was probably only around five minutes. Each daring the other to make the move. She gave, he could always make her give. 

"So …" She said, smiling an almost knowing smile as she lifted the letter up to show that was what she was referring to.

"Yeah …" He replied with a slight chuckle. 

"She seems like quite the woman." She said, boosting herself onto the ledge that lined her path. She began to swing her legs like a child she fidgeted with her nails.

"You would have liked her." He replied, trying to get her to look at him. She refused, the last thing she needed right now was to get lost in those eyes. Stay with safe territory.

"Probably." Silence enveloped the situation before she broke it, once again. "Vaughn?" She looked up then and he was looking directly into her eyes. "Why did you give this to me?"

"I wanted you to see it." He answered simply. No way he was getting off this easy.

"Why?" She pried. 

"God, Syd, aren't you sick of analyzing this?" he said, pushing himself off the vehicle and making his way across the distance that separated them. Anger was laced with frustration in his voice, and pride glinted in his eyes.

"Not really. I need you to tell me." She said, repeating the words she had said what seemed decades ago. He looked at her, shaking his head slightly and smiling. 

"Of course, you do." He said, reaching out to touch her cheek. When she leaned into his hand, he continued. "I needed to show you. Show you why I couldn't be with you. Why no matter how much I did … I do, I couldn't."  
  
"And now?"

"And now … there's only one woman who can stop me."

Her breath caught in her throat when he leaned down and pressed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. She shivered involuntarily and he smiled with knowledge. 

"And I needed you to accept it. Accept everything. Without hiding anything away, like you always do. I needed you to let it go and just feel. Feel what I feel."

She stared up at him in silence, a sort of awe. Like her whole life was on hold and waiting … just waiting for this moment. And here is was, staring her in the face and she didn't know how to react. 

"And you choose this moment to not say anything." He said, half smiling but she could see the fear in his eyes. She reached up and touched his cheek, then up to smooth the lines on his forehead.

"No, I mean yes, I mean … I choose this moment to be inarticulate." A blush rose in her cheeks and she suddenly felt like she was in high school again. What was her problem? Proximity, that was the problem. He was simply too close to her for proper thought.

"I like you inarticulate." He said smiling, the smile reaching his eyes making them wrinkle. A smile grew on her face, how could one not when his was so genuine?

"You would." She said laughing now. All mirth ceased when his hand trailed down her neck and across her collar bone and down her arm sending little shivers everywhere he touched. She was sure her eyes were clouded when he leaned down and set fire to her mouth. When their lips met, she could swear that sparks were created igniting every nerve ending. She could hear bells, literally hear bells. "Shit, my phone." He leaned his forehead on hers, both noticeably out of breath and laughing. "Hello?"

"So, I came by to see how your trip was, but decided to keep driving when I saw the little scene that was being created." Will's voice echoed in her ear laughing. She laughed slightly embarrassed. 

"It's Will." She said smiling. Vaughn grabbed the phone out of her hands and placed it against his ear.

"Tippin, we have to go. She'll call you in the morning." He said. He pressed end and grabbed her hand dragging her through the threshold into a new life, laughing. 

~

fin

~


	16. Author's Note

Author's Note:

All right kids … you asked for it, you get it. For better or for worse. And epilogue is on it's way, hopefully it will be up by the end of the week. Thanks for all the reviews, again, it's really the only reason I continue to write. 


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